I often wonder if being homesick and being cold-hearted is correlated. Especially when I didn't really miss anyone when I'm overseas. Or did I?
I don't miss hearing my mum nag everyday but I do miss seeing her.
I don't miss doing the same things everyday but I do miss routine.
I don't miss being in my comfort zone but I do miss familarity.
People will call their family and friends and talk on for hours. People will tell others they miss them alot. People can easily share about themselves, details. People can open up to others whom them have known for only a few days. All these I can't.
I don't discolse details about myself. I did not purposely hide it. You ask and I might tell but more often than not I wouldn't. I felt a need to guard my own privacy, to protect myself but am I overdoing it? I can say even close friends won't know much. Maybe I simply care too much how others look at me. Is this a problem or is this not?
I might miss my family and friends but I couldn't bring myself to verbalize it. If others say that they miss me I don't know how to react either. Am I too serious for my own good? Is this a problem or is this not?
I also realized that I have problem organizing my thoughts these days. Too many things run through my head at a time and I don't take extreme views so I often ended up contradicting myself and sending my brain into a wild frenzy. I might be thinking of this this this and then I will also think of that that that, as in I often try to think from both sides of the coin. Not sure if this is good coz it seems I'm sitting on the fence, getting neither here nor there at times.
Bonkers @ 5/30/2007 01:49:00 PM
